When you get up in the morning, what’s the first thought that crosses your mind? Is it positive or negative?
I find this world is becoming increasingly negative. We procrastinate because we don’t want to do the things we should. We can’t be bothered. We want everything the way we want it and we want it now. I was watching a talk from Barry Schwartz on the paradox of choice on ted.com recently and he hypothesized that because we have so many choices – nearly endless in many cases – we are unhappy when something does not fully meet our expectations. We are no longer ever pleasantly surprised when something turns out to be better than we thought it would be.
Nothing is ever better than we think it will be thanks to our ridiculously high expectations.
Do you complain about going to work? Not having enough money? Not having a big enough or nice enough home? Not having a partner? Not liking the partner you do have? Your kids are driving you crazy? You don’t have kids and you want them? You have kids and you don’t want them? Do you complain about your friends, your in-laws, your teachers, your boss? Do you complain that your restaurant meal was not to your liking or the service you received didn’t come with a smile?
Do you like to laugh at other people? Do you look at someone and silently – or even right out loud – comment that they’re too fat or too skinny, they have funny-looking hair, went too far with the self-tanner, dress poorly, walk funny?
Where is all this coming from? Where is the joy?
Someone once gave me a piece of advice I’ll never forget… something that changed me forever: They said, “No one wants to hear you complain all the time. Just stop.”
See, because I was uncomfortable with who I was – I was socially awkward and had a somewhat lowered sense of self esteem – I used complaining and negativity as an ice breaker… a conversation starter. If I were to complain about something or someone, surely another person who agreed with me would chime in and we could be miserable together. It wasn’t until someone really drew my attention to it that I realized just how bad it had become.
I think the whole world needs the same kick in the pants that guy gave to me those many years ago.
Watch Barry Schwartz’s TED talk:
9 Comments
Sigh..I know...I feel like there is no joy in life these days..just frustrations and that needs to change fast...it is affecting our whole family....gratitude for what we have won't cut it....a whole new outlook is needed....
I wish I had something enlightening to add... I was that positive person for so long, but one after another, events and tragedies pile upon one another and i'm not sure whether I can see out of my hole anymore...
I don't know why anyone would want to talk to me anymore. I can see it, but what if just one thing went right? It did for a second...
Maybe it's perspective, but... really... sometimes there are those times things are just really bad.
I hope soon I can see the difference between high expectations and managing grief.
Well beaumont, you have a point. Sometimes thing are just really bad. Bad stuff happens. The fact that I can't help but see the good stuff in the bad stuff I have to attribute to God. I have no other way to explain it. God loves you. I love you... and I want to talk to you.
For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. - Luke 11:10.
I worked with a guy one time who used to say.."If you don't have anything good to say, let's hear it"... Yeah..but backing up a bit...I think the boomers initiated the culture of entitlement that subsequently spawned generations of people with inflated expectations..Here we find ourselves..imperfect, but expecting perfection..in every single area of our lives...even in our church families...What to do, what to do...In my own life it was simple...failed expectations require consolation..lots of it. Alcohol, drugs, food, cars and houses...relationships and mind numbing indulgence..More, more, more...If you're as lost in the sea of consolation as I once was, please take a moment to step outside of and make a personal plea to Jesus Christ to meet you wherever you are. He is the only real consolation...The way, the truth, and the life.
I think you're bang on about the high expectations and the paradox of choice. It's awesome to have options, but we need to remember to find joy in them.
I also think that, sometimes, complaining might be a sign that you need to let some things go. Another symptom of modern life is overcommitment - we have too much to do, and not enough time to do it. But it's not necessary that things be this way. If we're unhappy, (and I recognize that I am still working on this myself) then we have the freedom to change things. And only we can.
I find myself whittling down everything as I get older. I don't need or want anything more than I need. I find it too stressful. Going to a mall puts me into a near panic. My son needs only what will get him to the next size and stage. One stroller, one carrier, two pairs of jeans. At one point I think we had 20 hats for him and he wore two of them.In restaurants, I love small menus or menus where I only want one thing.I could go on and on and it really is not the point is it?
Let's keep it simple, meditate, relax and see the good in the world!. Hurrah!
This is very true Michelle. I have to stop myself when I realize I'm complaining too much... but it's hard. Sometimes we do it without even noticing. It's especially easy in social media to just drop a tweet or a blog post here and there... but it's still complaining. We are truly lucky in our lives and have no reason to complain.
This post has been a great reminder, thank you.
Thanks so much for this post. I have a really bad habit of complaining and try hard to catch myself. Sometimes I even follow up good news with complaints, as if it's not enough to share a positive experience. I've been thinking of your words the past few days, and am making an effort to spread good vibes instead of dragging everyone (myself included!) down. I'm trying to open myself up to joy and peace!
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