10 Life Lessons from My Dad
I originally wrote this for Father’s Day in 2014. I was re-married at that point to the man I affectionately referred to as Big Mack in my blog, and was in the process of moving from BC to Alberta with our big blended family. In honour of my Dad’s passing in April, I thought it would be appropriate to share some of his wisdom. I was blessed to have a dad who cared so much for me. The world would be a better place if everyone had a dad like him.
Today's post is a shout-out to my dad for Father's Day. Every day I'm grateful that he is my dad and that I have the privilege of being his daughter. He has taught me so much about the world and my place in it, that I'd like to share with you the top 10 lessons that come to mind:
Hustle.
It started on the soccer field. My dad coached my brother's soccer team for as many years as I can remember being a kid and I would hang out at the field for their practices and games. I remember feeling like a VIP . I remember thinking my dad was basically a superstar and I remember him coaching those boys as if he was. He drilled them and hugged them and high-fived them and got in real close to give each of them a word of encouragement or correction... "You're doing great, son. But you've gotta pass! Now get back in there and work for it!"
He would yell, "Hustle!"
I knew what he meant. They knew what he meant.
Don't be lazy. Put some effort into it. Push beyond your comfort zone. Break a sweat. Don't walk when you can run. Go the extra mile. Show people that you care about what you're doing.
As I'm writing this I'm half way between living in BC and living in Alberta. I'm doing whatever you call the adult version of couch-surfing, living out of a suitcase and my car in order to find a new home and a job here while Big Mack is at home with the kids. I knew I'd found the right realtor because she was the only one I contacted that really hustled for us. We could tell by her hustle that she wants to sell a house. She knows how much we have riding on this.
Show the world that you care about what you're doing. Do it with pride. Do it with enthusiasm... and hustle.
Take risks.
It wasn't long ago that I went to my dad and told him Big Mack and I had decided to move our family even farther away to seek a new adventure in Calgary. My heart was a little heavy. My kids are growing older. My parents are growing older. My dad quickly reminded me that he and my mom left England when they were very young, just the two of them, in search of a new life in Canada - a life for a family they had yet to build.
My dad knows about taking risks.
There are millions of stories of people who have risked everything they have to move to a new country or try something new, develop a new product or business, or share their art with the world. Everyone who has ever accomplished anything noteworthy took a risk to do it.
Sometimes I think we get so caught up in having all the answers before we step into the unknown that we just never step forward. When you take a risk and put everything you have on the line an unparalleled excitement awaits. Go after it. Make a plan. Work for it. Hustle, even. But don't be afraid to try.
Believe in yourself.
"You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it."
I really believed - and maybe still do - that I can achieve whatever I set out to achieve. Maybe that very thought is what has sent me seeking out new challenges and maybe it's arrogant. It's not that I actually think I can or will achieve whatever I want in this life. It's just that I believe, in theory, I could. And so can you.
"Death before DNF" has become my motto. While I actually apply that to my preparation for running races, there is a very real parallel to the way I live my life. If I set my mind to it, I'll do it or die trying. I love pushing the outside of my comfort zone to find out where the boundaries really are; I love brushing up against my own limitations because then I know where they lie.
You get this one shot at life. If there's something you want to try, do it. Don't believe the lie that you can't. Life is too short to doubt. If you don't believe in yourself, who will?
Give it a little elbow grease.
I remember standing at the kitchen sink with my brother. One of us would be washing the dishes and the other one would dry. Inevitably we'd come across the big fat dirty pot or pan that had baked-on muck that just wasn't going to get clean with the scrub brush. "Just give it a little elbow grease!" My dad would say.
Everyone has to do the dirty work now and again. Get in there and get it done. The harder you work at it, the faster it gets done. The faster it gets done, the sooner it's over and you can move forward. Next time you're faced with a task you just can't stand the thought of, just get in there and do it. It'll be over before you know it.
Resolve conflict.
"Never leave without saying goodbye." It's a deeper concept than it may seem. We don't want to say goodbye when we are hurt or angry. I know I usually just want to walk away with a grunt of disapproval. My dad, however, always insisted on making things right at the end of a disagreement.
I hate conflict and I always want to get past it to find the common ground on the other side. Finding resolution can sometimes be unpleasant. It often consists of hashing out the issues, being honest, taking criticism with humility and being gracious to others. Whether it's a family member, a friend, a business acquaintance, a colleague or someone you just met, seek to understand their perspective. If you can't, try a little harder.
Don't leave a mess of hurt feelings in your wake. If you lose your cool, own it and apologize.
Be true to your word.
When I was maybe 11 years old, my best friend was going to visit her dad for the weekend and invited me to come with her. Her dad had a horse. As a young city girl, I really wanted to go and ride a horse. In fact, in that moment, I don't think I wanted anything more than that.
"You have a soccer game." Said my dad.
"I can miss it just this once. It's not a big deal." I replied.
"It is a big deal. You made a commitment to the team. You said you'd be there." He insisted.
I didn't end up going away with my friend; I played soccer with my team. I don't remember the outcome of the game that day but I most certainly remember the outcome of the lesson.
If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you start something, finish it. If someone is counting on you, don't let them down. If others are waiting for you, don't be late. Be dependable. Think of others. Behave honorably. Tell the truth.
Get involved.
People say money makes the world go 'round. I say people make the world go 'round. My dad was probably one of the most involved parents that has ever existed. He coached soccer; he was a board member and then the President of our community youth band; he was the teacher that always got involved in the school musical; he wrote letters to the editor of our local newspaper. After he retired he became very active in local community theatre, joined a cycling club and started driving people with cancer to their chemotherapy treatments.
He seems to know everyone.
Get to know people. Join stuff. Volunteer for things. Help out where you can. Network. Every cause needs a champion. Find what you're passionate about and give something of yourself. Coach little league or be a mentor to someone. Without people investing their time and energy into others, this world would be a very boring place.
Add some value to the world around you.
Don't quit.
My dad always insisted my brother and I were involved in a lot of activities. It seemed he had a personal philosophy that we should be involved in at least three activities at a time: music, sport and community service. We always had a lot on our plates. I think it's what kept us out of trouble for the most part. Despite how hectic life got, he always encouraged us to keep up the work. He knew that if we quit when things get hard, we would miss out on the joy we would come to know as we became accomplished at something.
Soccer? Twelve years. Piano? Five. Girl Guides? Six years. Paper route? Five years. Babysitting job at 14? Two full years... every day after school. Every day. Trumpet? Twenty five years. I would still be playing today if there were a community band near me. Maybe that's why I also spent 12 years with one company: they let me continue to grow, improve, and try new things. Maybe that's why I was able to dedicate 10 years to martial arts training or successfully lose weight and keep it off.
Everything worth doing in this world requires effort. A lot of effort. It takes years to get really good at anything. Don't quit before you get there. Don't settle for being good enough. Keep at it. If you start a project, finish it.
Don't quit. You'll never know how far you can go if you stop now.
Never stop learning.
My dad took up playing the saxophone as an adult. I remember going to his beginner band classes right around the same time I was learning to play the trumpet in grade 5. He must have been about 50. I think he still has that saxophone.
No matter how old you are, you can keep learning. Read non-fiction regularly. Take up a sport. Learn an art form. Take a class. Try something new. Expand your mind.
Encourage others.
I think part of the reason my dad made a great teacher was his natural ability to encourage people. If it didn't come naturally, you sure couldn't tell. I remember being able to pick out his clapping in the audience at my band concerts or hear his voice at the end of the song yelling, "Yeah!" He would whistle and holler at my soccer games, too, and I don't think he ever cared what anyone else thought about it. In high school it embarrassed me but I loved it at the same time.
My dad has created a safe place for me. He has encouraged me to follow my heart and to be smart and to make good choices. He has loved me unconditionally and has always been a soft landing when I fall down. It's this safety that leaves me able to take the risks and to believe in myself and to push harder without quitting.
That kind of encouragement is invaluable.
Encourage the people around you. Be someone's safe place. Tell people what you admire about them. Congratulate them on their successes. Celebrate with them. Keep the criticism constructive and tactful. Look for the good in people and point it out to others. Introduce people to others they might enjoy getting to know. Go out of your way for people. Be helpful.
Someone might just do something remarkable because you encouraged them.
I hope you had the opportunity to grow up with a dad as great as mine. If you did, don't forget to wish him a Happy Father's Day. If you didn't, I hope you've enjoyed his words of wisdom.
